I know that when I grasp for an experience to be a certain way or modify my surroundings in order to change an inner state, I almost certainly will suffer. Whether I disguise it as self improvement or dress it in spiritual clothes, the dynamic is the same: Every time I grasp, I constrict life flow. I deny (subtly or grossly) what is present. I lean away. I lean away from the place(s) where I can experience a deeper connection with Who I Am.